COVID-19 Resources for Support (All Free!)

There are so many generous people & organizations that have offered free resources to support our wider community over the past few weeks. Here are some great ones that I know of... (If you know of other great ones then please feel free to add them in the comments below!)

For a long time I tried to hide from and ignore what I found difficult within myself. Emotions, thoughts, ways of being. I tried pushing it away, pushing it down, pushing past it - all in favour of what was more comfortable and 'desirable'. But I realized (in a BIG way!) that ignoring my pain only intensified my suffering, alienated key parts of who I am, and more importantly it kept me from being fully, authentically, freely, joyfully, unabashedly myself.

So I set out to radically heal my relationship with myself ~ and light my heart on FIRE with love and compassion.

Because all those pieces of me that I was trying to push away? They also held the key to connecting with my inner radiance, brilliance, and true happiness.

To paraphrase Brene Brown, when we numb the pain, we also numb the joy. So in connecting with and listening to my pain (..."I'm here for you. What are you trying to say to me?")- I could radically free up energy, vitality, and spaciousness to be with my my joy.

[I want to be clear: listening to our pain doesn't mean getting lost there and wallowing. I think that's often where we get tripped up - fearing, 'If I open the floodgates of my dark thoughts and emotions, will I be able to handle what comes out?' But when we invite our pain to speak to us from a holding space of compassion and love (like a mother wanting to know what's upsetting her child so she can support them fully) then this can be powerful and liberating.]

Rumi tells us the wound is the place where the Light enters us. Through acknowledging, owning, and embracing our wounds, we can begin to embrace the fullness of our Being. Alongside life's inherent challenges, each one of us holds immeasurable and unimaginable joy, dignity, divinity, and vitality at the heart of who we are.

​Owning all of you means embracing your whole self. Owning all of you is the gateway to owning all of your gifts, passions, your divine nature, and the fullness of your brilliance.

 May we all awaken to the wisdom and gift that we are - in our entirety.

​How might the world shift if we each shared our bold, unique, and daring ideas and dreams more freely? With wild abandon, even??  ​ In my dream last night a woman came to tell me that a new idea - shared and acted - has the power to change the world.  ​

​She gave the example of Michelangelo (except she called him Miguel here). Through stepping beyond the prevailing way of seeing & creating art in his day, Michelangelo shifted the entire way that Western Europe looked at the human body, expressions of beauty, and humans as divine beings. Of course he was a prodigy and a genius - and still, his genius started with new ways of thinking & creating that were wildly outside the paradigm of his time. His art moved people into a new experience - consciousness - of the world and themselves, in a way that's still felt today. 
 
Our personal expression will look different from this revolutionary artist and from each other. This is part of what makes life so interesting and wonderful. Through taking little steps towards embracing all of ourselves: including our far-reaching ideas, dreams, ambitions, and yearnings (yes - including those ones hiding way back there!), we further open up to our own life energy and to the possibility of impacting others in positive and life-affirming ways.

This dream made me reflect: How many brilliant ideas do we dismiss (others and our own) just because they don't fit in with what we see around us? Or because we don't know what they would look like in physical form? Because we might be judged if we made them known? As much as I've shared, I've also held back because of fear of the unknown, fear of judgment, and dismissal of possibility.

This dream really moves me to more consciously invite and embrace the adventurous, unknown corners of my mind and being. Experiment more freely with casting aside the bowlines that keep me safely tethered to what's known and familiar. Inhale the magic of what I do not yet know or understand.
 
This morning I'm grateful for all the ways that Life encourages us to step more and more into all of who we are - and lifting up one another as we do.

Painting by Samanta Winstanley

 In this article I’m going to draw on the wisdom presented in the Mindful Self-Compassion program in order to try and unpack some of the reasons we can actually be overcome with feelings of shame, anxiety, and even deep sadness when we begin to practice self-love, why this is normal, and what we can do about it.
 
We often know something is present because we’ve experienced its opposite (or absence) in the past. We know light because we know darkness, relaxation because of tension, and joy because of sorrow. The mind naturally evokes a counter example of what we’re talking or thinking about, especially if we’re dealing with a concept that’s new or foreign to us. It’s our mind’s way of trying to categorize and make sense of things. For example, if you think to yourself, “may I be happy,” you may then think of times you weren’t happy.

It works similarly with emotional memories. When we begin to love and treat ourselves with kindness, it can first evoke memories and feelings from when we weren't cared for, loved, or accepted in the past. These painful emotions can be especially activated if someone didn't receive the kind of love they deserved as a child.

​Self-compassion has the capacity to reach deep into the heart and offer unconditional love, but the depths of the heart is also where we hold our most painful and tender memories.  Sometimes at the beginning of this practice, these difficult feelings from the past can be unveiled and rise to the surface. 
 
The Mindful Self-Compassion program shares the quote: “Love reveals anything unlike itself.”  When we offer ourselves unconditional love – love without any conditions – emotions and experiences unlike love are revealed.
 
This is especially true if you're used to relating to yourself with criticism and judgment. If this is the case you aren’t alone, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of or criticize yourself over. The truth for many of us is that we live in very fast-paced societies and feel a lot of pressure to succeed and ‘make something of ourselves’. Self-criticism, in a convoluted and roundabout way, often becomes an internalized motivator and coping strategy to preserve our self-esteem and help us run towards an endless to-do and to-be list.
 
But the dangerous impact of self-criticism is that it’s actually an attack on the very self. The same self it’s trying to motivate to do well and be happy. Over time, self-criticism can become an internalized sense that we aren’t good enough as we are. It sends the message that we need to be controlled, punished, or monitored through self-judgment and criticism in order to do well, avoid harm, or escape embarrassment. This may sound harsh, but it’s the way many of us, to varying degrees, operate in the Western world.

Yet, there’s a monumental shift that occurs in our being when we drop self-criticism and enter a more kind, non-judgmental relationship with ourselves.

Even if it’s for just a moment.
 
When we begin practicing self-compassion, we can finally meet the parts of us that have been craving and crying out to be recognized, to be enough, and to be loved. We can relax into our own being – the authentic, beautiful-just-as-we-are, part of ourselves. The part of us that’s been waiting to express itself from behind the jail bars of self-criticism.
 
When we give ourselves permission to be just as we are (without first needing to fix or make different), there can sometimes be a release of years of pent up anger, sadness, despair, grief, and longing. By way of inviting authenticity, acceptance, and welcoming of whatever arises in the present moment, self-compassion can also draw out the many feelings that have long been pushed down.
 
This is what Christopher Germer and Kristin Neff call ‘Backdraft’. When a fire is deprived of oxygen, the flames will roar when the door is opened and fresh air is introduced. The same thing can happen when we practice self-compassion.
 
If we’ve been holding the door of our hearts tightly closed on our suffering for a long time – to feelings like self-hatred, self-doubt, and self-denial – then opening the heart through self-love, kindness, and compassion can at first fan the flames and cause our suffering to flare up even more. Self-Compassion isn’t causing these painful feelings, but it is revealing old wounds that are coming up to be healed. By consciously recognizing, acknowledging, and being kind to ourselves as suffering arises, these wounds can begin to shift and be transformed.
 
Lastly, we’re often not aware of how much harm we’re causing ourselves through self-criticism. When we finally open up to self-compassion, we can sometimes react in horror to how mean we’ve been to ourselves for so long! Simultaneously we can be like the child who feels relief from finally being able to express her painful feelings and real self freely, with acknowledgment, and the mother who feels guilty and aghast at having treated her child so poorly for all these years. But from this realization can also come a deep integration, and an opportunity for deep healing to occur. We can be at once vulnerable by feeling our pain, and strong in holding that vulnerability with kindness, tenderness and caring.
 
What can you do when ‘Backdraft’ occurs?
 
Thankfully each of us already holds the capacity to work with painful feelings that can arise from beginning a practice of self-love. Here are some specific things that can help:
 
1) Keep offering yourself compassion! Especially for difficult emotions that arise in the present moment.  

2) Label what’s happening by saying to yourself something like, “I know this, this is ‘backdraft’.”
 
3) Name the strongest emotion present. This can bring clarity and recognition to whatever is arising. It really helps to name the emotion with a kind tone of voice. For example, “Ah, this is grief.”  

4) Explore with open curiosity where you feel the sensation of the emotion in your body. Perhaps you feel a constriction in your throat, tightness in your chest, a buzzing sensation in your head. It can also help to notice where you feel good in your body. Recognizing how our bodies are experiencing a particular emotion can be grounding. It can also help take us out of spinning thoughts about our experience, and allow us to be present to what is actually happening in the here-and-now.  

5) If you’ve located where a painful emotion is manifesting in your felt-body experience, you can offer soothing touch. To do this, place your palm wherever you’re experiencing the sensation most strongly, and become aware of the warmth of your hand. You can visualize something soothing like light around your palm or the area of tension in your body, or just hold a warm and caring attitude for your experience.  

6) If the experience is extremely distressing, try redirecting your attention to something outside of yourself, like a noise, the feeling of your feet on the ground, a walk outside, or an image you find particularly attractive. There’s no need to push an overly intense experience, so please take care of yourself if strong negative emotions arise or persist.  

Re-experiencing painful emotions from the past can be extremely painful and confusing if we don’t know why they’re arising. These are some helpful guidelines for working with ‘emotional backdraft’ (adapted from the MSC program) that I hope will support you on your path. If you have something that you know works for you or want to tweak any of the above suggestions to better suit you, then please do. They’re here for you to use and make your own.
 
“Love reveals anything unlike itself.” By stepping into a journey of self-love, we’re inviting a new way of being with ourselves. Trust that whatever wounds are revealed from beginning this practice are here to be healed, acknowledged, and embraced with compassion. You have all the tools within you to do this skillfully.
 
And if you need some help, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
 
With compassion and great love,
Sarah
 

A poem, by John Welwood

Sit down wherever you are
And listen to the wind singing in your veins. 
Feel the love, the longing, the fear in your bones. 
Open your heart to who you are, right now, 
Not who you would like to be, 
Not the saint you are striving to become, 
But the being right here before you, inside you, around you. 
All of you is holy. 
You are already more and less 
Than whatever you can know. 
Breathe out, 
Touch in, 
Let go. 

​