Coping with Change and Uncertainty:
 
We are certainly in remarkable times, with many shared and unique challenges arising for each of us. I wanted to normalize some of the difficult and intense emotions that I have recently witnessed in my clients, my community, and also myself. Understandably, many people are experiencing anxiety, fear, lack of control, feeling surreal, and stress, just to name a few. This is so normal in a time of such uncertainty and rapid change, especially as so many areas of ‘normal life’ are impacted simultaneously.   
 
In addition to new stressors introduced by the pandemic, I have also found that it is not uncommon for old traumas to resurface for people during this time. This can manifest as feeling helpless, fearful of being alone, or fearful of scarcity, abandonment, or being physically unsafe and/or at risk. Although this can be incredibly painful and uncomfortable, it is not unusual for latent and under-the-surface trauma(s) to be triggered during such a big disruption to our lives and known ways of being in the world.

At times like these, our self-care practices and emotion regulation supports, such as mindfulness, noticing our environment, connecting with our breath and our bodies, setting healthy boundaries, and taking one thing at a time, is more important than ever. Although these tools and skills are often quite simple and easy to overlook, they are some of the greatest inner resources for coping and wellbeing at our disposal.

One of my teachers, Dick Schwartz, suggested that the coronavirus and mandatory confinement have the capacity to be great tor-mentors. Our experiences of this pandemic, and it's inherent hardships, can easily and understandably provoke wounds, fears, and defences in need of our caring attention. Difficult and scary as this can be, this moment can also be an invitation for deeper awareness, reflection, and transformation. 
 
I hold strong in the belief that during times of great hardship or change, we are also challenged to dig deep within ourselves to discover inner strength, resilience, and healing that we did not yet know existed, or have not yet had to access in this way.

​I hope that in response to the uncertainty we find ourselves in, we can continue to cultivate wisdom and compassion, feel and honour our feelings as they arise, take good care of our mental and emotional health, focus on what we can control, and connect safely with loved ones and community. And, of course, offer ourselves lots of kindness, love, and patience for what we, and those around us, are experiencing.

And for those moments when things just feel hard and overwhelming, holding compassion for this, too!
 
I will be posting some additional meditations, resources, and blogs to my website in the coming weeks, so if you would like to stay connected with this then please check back in.

1. Self-Compassion. Everyone suffers. And yet we can often forget this and can be incredibly hard on ourselves when we’re the ones struggling! How often have you met your own difficulties by saying to yourself something like, “get over it!”, or, “I can’t believe you did that!”  This is pretty common. And yet, speaking to ourselves like this doesn’t help to ease anxiety or emotional pain. Here are some things you can do to practice self-compassion, instead of criticism, when things feel challenging.  

• Pause. Take a deep breath. Notice your suffering/stress/difficulty in the moment, and acknowledge your experience, rather than pushing it away. It might help to label the emotion (e.g. “this is sadness, grief, anger, anxiety”), or simply say to yourself, “I’m having a hard time right now.”
  
  Researchers at UCLA found that simply naming an uncomfortable emotion improved people's ability to calm down, and even decreased activity in the amygdala (the part of the brain that's responsible for detecting threats and fear). 

 

• Say something kind to yourself. What would you say to a loved one if they were in the same situation as you right now? Say those same words to yourself. For example, “I’m here for you.” Or, “I care deeply about you.” What do you need (or long) to hear? Try saying those same words to yourself right now.
  
  
• Remember you aren’t alone in your suffering. Other people suffer too. Feeling connected to others through our difficult experiences, rather than isolated, can sometimes make all the difference. Even though other people’s personal stories may be different than yours, there are still people who have similar experiences of suffering. This is what Dr. Kristin Neff calls “Common Humanity”.
  
  
• Try putting a hand over your heart and taking a deep breath. This is a physical gesture that you’re here for yourself. Take that in. 
  
  
• Self-Compassion may seem simple, but it can be incredibly powerful for increasing your happiness and resilience! One study showed that when college students practiced basic self-compassion for only 3 weeks (using the practices above as a rough guideline), that their wellbeing, self-efficacy, and life satisfaction increased significantly, while ruminating on troubling thoughts, as well as symptoms of anxiety and depression, decreased. 

 
2. Mindfulness. Have you ever noticed how fast you mind races when you’re stressed or anxious? Mindfulness helps us to get into our bodies and ground in the present moment, rather than worrying about what happened in the past or might happen in the future. It also helps us to appreciate our surroundings and experiences, rather than racing from one thing to the next. Here are a few tips to practice:

• Use your senses to ground and bring you into the present moment.
  
  - What do you See? Hear? Smell? Touch? Taste?
  
  
• Take a moment to feel your feet on the ground. Notice their weight and sensation. Without judging your experience, notice how your body feels when it's sitting on a chair, standing, or walking. Notice the coming and going of those sensations, without clinging or holding onto them. 
  
  
• Take a deep breath – feel the air as it passes through your nose and into your lungs. Then feel the warmth of your out-breath. Be with the simple sensations of breathing for a few minutes, or even just a couple of breaths. When you notice your mind wander, you can gently guide yourself back to the sensations breathing. 

​​​3. Gratitude. Gratitude is powerful! Research shows that it can instantly boost our moods and shift our mindset. When you become aware of the good things in your life (however small) it shifts your attention towards what’s going well. Over time, your awareness becomes attuned to seeking out the good in yourself and in your life – and sure enough, you can notice more and more of it. 

• What are 5 things you’re grateful for? These can be simple. (E.g. warm water, fresh air, friends or family, your hot coffee this morning...) See if you can get specific.
  
  
• ​Share some of these things with a friend or loved one. Ask them to share their ‘gratitudes’ with you. Notice how you both feel after this. 
  
  
• Remember that things don't need to be perfect in order to be good! Gratitude for the simple things in life can help us to gain a little perspective for when we feel like we're in over our heads. 

 
4. Exercise. Getting your body moving can be as powerful as taking an anti-depressant. Although people have been talking about this in the public for years, psychology researchers are now saying that aerobic exercise is an evidence-based treatment for depression.  Even a quick walk in nature, trip to the gym, or bike ride can begin to boost your endorphins and dopamine levels. 

5. Reach out. As Brene Brown says, “shame thrives in secrecy.”  Unfortunately there can still be a lot of shame attached to mental health issues, even though we know this is something that affects so many of us. Know that you aren't alone, nor do you need to go through this alone.

• Share with a friend or a trusted family member how you’re feeling. You can even let them know that you don’t want advice, but just to share and have someone listen.
  
  
• Seek out counselling. Getting professional support from a trained, caring, mental health counsellor can make all the difference in gaining perspective, coping with a loss or challenge, or helping you to thrive at your best. 
  
  

I invite you to experiment and practice with these self-care tools. Find out what works for you, and notice how you feel after you’ve used them.

As the summer enters it’s waning stages, I’ve been taking full advantage of synching into nature’s rhythms, swimming in the ocean, and engaging in some deep self-care. After a time of extroversion this spring and early summer, it feels good to begin slowing down and checking in with what feels nourishing and grounding.
 
I have to admit – when there is a momentum of action and busyness it can sometimes be hard to press pause and take a break. Busy and fast-paced living can often become a glorified and accepted norm in our culture. And although there is absolutely no shame in ambition or having many things on the go, when our busy schedules become unchecked we can often begin to notice it at the seems of our relationships –with ourselves and others, our health, and our wellbeing.
 
And yet, there’s always the invitation to re-center. Whenever we pause for long enough to interrupt the adrenaline and connect to our own heartbeat, inclinations, and needs, then life always seems to flow into place. This is where we get in touch with our deep power, presence, and authentic self. Sometimes it can be quiet at first, but it’s always there – softly supporting and encouraging us.

Often all it takes to find ourselves at home with ourselves again, is taking one deep and intentional breath, followed by another.
 
And so in this spirit, one of the big lessons this summer has been: I don’t need to try so hard! I really don’t. We really don’t. Life is always there to support us when we lean back, trust a little, and relax. I suppose we could call this the ‘anti-hustler’ movement ;)

It begins with allowing the simple things that are available to us right now – like intentional breathing, being aware of our body sensations, appreciating how cared for we are in this moment, to take greater presence in our minds than our to-do lists or whatever we have on next.

Like this, life flows from one precious moment to the next. And if we notice ourselves in a place of worry, fear, fighting or resisting? It’s just another opportunity to come back to what’s right in front of us. In the absence of resistance, love is always what emerges.